I was a shy child and a lanky, silent, painfully self-conscious adolescent. I either completely avoided groups or was a quiet observer in them. Speaking in them was excruciating. It was not until I was in my mid 40’s that I became comfortable enough in front of an audience to bare all and speak naked.

I was Head Girl at secondary school and masked my fear and discomfort on speech day by dressing up as a pupil from St Trinian’s, performing my intensely over-prepared and memorised address. It got laughs. I made an impact. I felt like a fake.

Even one-to-one conversations, particularly with people unfamiliar to me, had me stuttering and awkwardly searching for the right words. I felt frustrated. I felt impotent. I knew, deep down, I had important things I wanted to share. I just didn’t know how to get over myself.

Therapy was the beginning of my journey of self-discovery. It helped me see the protective layers I had built and lay down solid foundations from which to grow.

In 1997 I began practicing as a psychotherapist. As well as being interested in human relationships and behaviour this profession enabled me to be in a room where the focus of attention was not on me. Trained to listen to my clients, reflect back and facilitate inquiry I could speak without being the centre of attention. My role required that I be with only one person at a time, which meant that I did not have to engage with groups.

As a relational psychotherapist, however, such non-engagement did not sit comfortably. Relationalists hold that a primary motivation of the human psyche is to be in relationship. Spontaneously and authentically exploring interpersonal interactions is crucial to effective therapy. I persevered and I struggled. I continued my journey of self awareness and discovery. 

Neuro-linguistic programming, coaching and training to be a certified co-active coach gave me the opportunity to explore being present in my body with range and depth. And I discovered that movement helped to connect me with my voice. 5 Rhythms movement meditation practice, devised by Gabrielle Roth, led me into consciousness, presence with the heart and soul of my body in relationship with others in the group. Writing and poetry became a vehicle for expressing the depth of my passion, pain and joy. However, my spoken voice remained silent, shaky and vulnerable.

It all came to a head when I chose to participate on a 10 month leadership programme. As a member of a tribe, a community of peers, I exposed myself to intensive 6 day retreats. Countless ‘challenge by choice’ experiential exercises brought me up in front of a group of twenty four time and time again. My body and mind were in turmoil as I faced my fear over and over again.

Something had shifted. I noticed that when I spoke from the safety of a circle I was able to speak with more confidence and authority. The form of the circle created equality and a sense of being part of the whole. When I was standing up, alone, I became my adolescent and performed. I felt disappointed. I felt disempowered. I felt out of integrity. I wanted to be real. I wanted to be natural.

I sought help. I sought a safe and supportive environment.

My coach, based in California, told me about Speaking Circles International. The founder, Lee Glickstein, once a comedian who suffered from stage fright, had developed a process called Speaking Circles in order to overcome his fear. He found that he felt both less afraid and freer to be himself when he was surrounded by listeners who were accepting and non-judgemental.

A conversation with Lee and, later, Doreen Hamilton, Training Director of Speaking Circles reinforced for me that their gentle, inside out approach would be the ‘right’ environment in which I could learn to transform my fear and truly find my real voice.

One session with Lee enabled me to be much more present and connected with an audience of over 100 people as I made a speech at the retirement party of one of my closest friends. I was thrilled. I could feel that I was coming home.

In my first workshop with John Dawson, a trained Facilitator of Speaking Circles, I could feel my anxiety about speaking in public truly begin to dissolve. The group listened with a warm, positive regard to each person in turn. In this context of permission I was able to feel my fear, speak about it and begin to accept it. I no longer had to control, fight or mask it. I began to claim my authentic expression. I learnt to receive supportive energy. I felt spacious and expansive. I felt elated. I felt free. By immersing myself in this learning environment I began to build the courage I needed to speak in front of any group.

When I returned for the next retreat of the leadership programme I was given an opportunity to speak, at an open mike. Alone, in two’s or as a group each member of the tribe would have the chance to be up in front of an audience. I immediately knew what my turn would be. I would speak my own poetry, naked.

I chose two of my poems. The first, entitled Wast Water, is about my experience of swimming naked in one of the coldest, deepest, most remote lakes in the Lake District, Wast Water. The second, entitled Through Party Walls, is about my experience of living next door to neighbours who were aggressive and noisy.

Before entering for my turn I removed all my clothes and walked into the swimming pool at the retreat location. Naked and dripping wet I silently walked into the room to be with my audience. I stood, still dripping, in front of them. From this place of bare, exposed vulnerability I shared Wast Water. Then, having first placed a small towel around me I shared Through Party Walls. I was completely natural, in body and soul. I spoke my words with an authenticity I had never experienced before in front of a group. It was a magical experience.

My audience was moved. I witnessed shock and awe as I walked into the room, tears at my sharing and spontaneous applause and bowing at the end of my turn. My naked authenticity impacted. It moved my audience to applaud me with respect and acknowledgement for my courage to be who I am, to be me 

This is the transformative power when we SOAR, Speak Out And Relate.

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